The Queen’s Chronicles: MORE LESSONS OF THE FALL

just when the power of positive thinking
had me thinking i had some control
i got knocked to my knees by a hot dog wagon.
not flattened not thrown not knowing what hit me
just knocked to my knees and forced to bow down.
—DH 1974

This is the 10th week after the fall and I am pretty much back together again. While I was fortunate not to have had a more serious injury from my December fall, my convalescence has been quite slow, nonetheless. Shocking, really, just how slow. This winter has been a long and leisurely one during which I completely hibernated. I concentrated on healing myself and also worked to understand and integrate the many-layered lessons of the fall.

Gratitude, first and foremost, was Lesson Number One. While normally I am quite conscious of my appreciation for my life and living, everyone’s attitude of gratitude can stand a periodic upgrading.

I fell at home in my own office, rather than somewhere out on the road during all my travels of the past three years. Cookie was there and helped me instantly. I was nursed and massaged and reikied and shiatsued and reflexed, accupunctured and blessed, and materially supported in every possible generous manner.

Grateful hardly expresses how I felt. I celebrated every tiny victory of movement and mobility as a dramatic miracle. I was ever so thankful for each small pleasure. The first time I could roll over in bed! Hurray! The first time I could bend my leg! The first time I could put on my own sock! The first time I left the walker and used a cane! The first time I took the dog out! The first time I walked around the block! And this morning when I left the house for the first time without my cane! Life is such a miracle. I am eternally grateful to be part of it.

Miracles seem to rest, not so much upon
faces or voices or healing power coming
suddenly near to us from far off, but upon
our perceptions being made finer so that
for a moment our eyes can see and our ears
can hear that which is about us always.
—Willa Cather

Beyond the parameters of this particular incident, I was reminded of how much I love this world — life, nature, creatures, comforts, beauty. Just how precious and tenuous it all is. In light of September 11th and this horrible war, we are all struggling to keep that crucial 911 emergency lesson foremost in our minds at all times. How important it is to raise and praise the universal spirit at every turn. Be Here Now. Live Life. Be Great and Full. Thank All Goodness.

When I first landed on the floor, I thought that I would just sit there for a few seconds, catch my breath and then continue with my packed agenda. I would shoulder through, like always. But within minutes of the fall it became painfully — excruciatingly — obvious that there was no way that I could possibly carry on as normal. I had fallen down on the job, as it were, and my only option was to sit still.

Letting Go, Lesson Number Two, was an insistent, obstinate, merciless task-mistress who would accept nothing less than total vulnerability, absolute humility, and hopefully at the end of the day, some measure of grace.

I do not understand the mystery of grace —
only that it meets us where we are, but
does not leave us where it found us.
—Anne LaMott

Asking for Help, Lesson Number Three, always a hard one for me, became much easier after I allowed myself to let go of all those macho martyr assumptions that I perpetrate upon myself. Such as thinking I can be a bottomless source of never-ending energy without ever having to replenish my own reserves. Such as feeling — like so many caregivers, healers, and light workers do — that everyone else’s needs must be dealt with before my own, me being in the line of service, after all. Such as resisting well meant offers of assistance.

Before the fall, if someone volunteered to give me a massage, I would invariably demure. “Thanks so much. I really appreciate it, but that’s O.K.” Meaning what? That I didn’t need anything? That I didn’t deserve anything? Now, during my winter of healing, I was becoming able to over-ride my ego and say, “Yes, please, I do need help. I am in trouble here. Thank you so much. I am so grateful”

Learning How to Attend to My Own Requirements and Boundaries and how to take as loving good care of myself as I do of others is Lesson Number Four. I have been struggling to learn this lesson for decades. It is clearly my Life Lesson. I keep thinking that I have learned it. But then something comes along to remind me how much more I have to improve. I have managed quite well over the years to sustain myself spiritually, mentally, and emotionally. It is on the material and physical plane that I tend to fall down, as it were. As the I Ching, the Chinese Book of Changes has reminded me time and time again over the past thirty years, “Feed the cow.” How else can the poor dear give milk, after all?

So, the lessons contemplated and understood, if not yet completely integrated, I emerge from my accident determined to heal myself for once and for all. It is time. I cannot continue to push myself beyond the max. I definitely can’t keep falling.

I acknowledge that though I am most definitely a Queen, I am not omnipotent. That I do need help from time to time. That I do have needs and that I need to honor and enforce them. That in addition to being Mama Donna to the world, I need to be mother to myself, as well.

I promise myself to respect my limitations of strength, energy, time, and resources. I promise to continue to be grateful for each breath that allows me to live this precious life and to value it in its entirety. And most important of all, I pledge to allow myself to sit down occasionally, to lie down, even, so that I don’t have to fall down to get some rest.

L’Chaim,

xxQueen Mama Donna

The Queen’s Chronicles: ASHES, ASHES, ALL FALL DOWN

The emails responding to my fall keep coming in. And so so many many of them relate stories of their own recent falls. The number is staggering. What is going on? It is like the ground is being pulled out from under our feet.

These are women and men from all over the country and beyond. Is there a common denominator that connects us? Is this a general trend? What is going on?

Well, there does seem to be a connection. I did notice that almost to a person, everyone on this list is either a spiritual practitioner/healer or an artist of some sort. We are all cultural creatives, out-of-the-box thinkers, visionaries, empaths, seers.

We are the first responders. And, with our world so seriously out of whack, there is a lot to respond to these days. We are surrounded by unhealthy, unstable, toxic conditions. There is so much pain and suffering, exploitation and domination on our poor beleaguered planet.

And we tend to take it all in. To take it upon ourselves to fix, to transform whatever/whoever needs help. Whenever. We are overwhelmed. We are exhausted. Is it any wonder we are shaky on our feet?

Here are some of the letters. What do you think is going on?


I am writing because I have fallen twice in the past month, and that is HIGHLY UNUSUAL. I have been feeling less sure-footed and "out of the flow" just enough to have it be on the front burner of my awareness. Therefore, when you wrote that others in your circle have reported falling lately, and it peaked your curiosity, I couldn't resist writing and introducing myself. So, thank you for your New Year reminder of the importance that we be solidly grounded. I am adding that to my intentions.
-Susan, CA

I wanted to let you know that I also fell a month ago in the kitchen of the Harrisburg Unitarian Church. Yes, I do need to be more centered. There were many healers on hand when I fell. I have recovered with much help also. Aren't sisters great? Peace,
-Randa, PA

I know how you must feel since I fell on ice a few weeks ago and tore tendons in my shoulder and rotator cuff. It's been very painful.
-Vince, NY

As you mention the trend of many of us falling, I have to report that my best friend in Florida took a tumble (for no apparent reason), broke her arm and hand in three places and had two surgeries. After reading your note, I stopped and recalled that I've fallen (flat out down on the ground — and once rolling) three times in the past six months. Every time, I've gotten up, stunned that I'd not gotten seriously hurt. Not even a bruise. Blessed be.
-August, CA

Funny thing, the likelihood of falling again, whether spiritually or physically, is sometimes great if you don't watch your footing along the path. I stumble quite a bit myself with my head in the clouds and all. Just the other day I was so taken with the beautiful deer in my backyard, I fell right out the backdoor....geeeez....right smack dab on my keester. It wasn't a graceful fall either. First the ankle went sideways, the elbow hit the siding twisting the arm as I tried to stop myself and then the whole body went into this type of goofy mode as I continued my descent to the concrete. It was quite a sight to behold. Needless to say, I was sore for a couple days but not too bad. Thank Goddess for extra padding in the caboose!
-Kimi, NJ

This Mars retrograde causing accidents, especially when combined with anger, speed and fatigue. It is opposing Pluto for the next couple of days and we all should be careful. I fell on my right shoulder 3 times between April and July and was very injured. I had a slight fall this afternoon as well. I am going to be very careful for the next month, especially the next few days.
-Nan, TX

My brother-in-law in Rochester, NY, fell two weeks ago today and broke 3 ribs. Needless to say, he's been in quite a bit on discomfort & pain. However, your words about people falling reminded me, too, that I've been hearing a lot about peoples' falls. Lots of them. Certainly will pass that "awareness" along & remind folks to slow down and be careful.
-Pam, NY

I also have tripped and fallen a lot of times this year, and I now go downstairs like an old lady. I also fell going up the stairs near the swimming pool and I injured a rib. Very painful and it took 6 weeks to heal! Also still have a lump on knee from another fall! With me I think it is that I forget to lift my legs enough. But it must be a common occurrence in "Older" people, because we got a leaflet through the door the other day, which invited us to come to a meeting (of old age pensioners!) to learn how to avoid falling! Yuck!
-Bé, England

I just fell down the stairs and hurt my back.
-Emma, NY

My friend’s husband, a young man, fell down the stairs on his way to work. He broke is neck and died instantly. What a tragedy.
-dava, VA

I just tripped over my dog and broke both arms.
John, FL

I was so sorry to read about your fall, then I had one, too — in the darkest dark, out checking to see if the car was locked, slipping on a wet rock, going down on my tail bone. Now I am on drugs and a walker for 8-10 weeks and it hurts.
-Jo, AZ

Having taken several nasty falls myself (the last of which entailed a 3-day hospital stay due to fractured ribs and a collapsed lung), I know how painful recovery can be. And I know how frustrating immobility can be! Active minds demand active bodies.
Smoky, IL

Thanks for this post about slow life
Hmmmmmmmm
I just fell last week
Toooooooooooooooo muchhhhhhhhhhhhhh everything
Sending rest & love to usssssssssssssss
-Linda, NY

Funny — I fell walking my friend's dog and sprained my ankle. I put too much ice on it and got burns and also cracked my left pinky finger — now taped together. I am in constant pain and will take months to recover. Yes, my friend also fell on black ice upstate — sad — she is in lots of pain. Don’t know if it is cosmic or what, but so many of my friends have been falling also. Wonder what these falls mean? Please pray for me too. Thanks.
-Naomi, NJ

We are fragile in such funny ways. So strong and then, our bodies... I am taking care of my mother. She fell walking home and fractured her kneecap. She is 89.
-Annie, MA

I too fell the other day, on my knee, outside. Maybe bad weather for priestesses. I'm certain it's karmic.
Marion, NY

I know what it is to fall and sprain/break things, having experienced it myself not too long ago. This may be an astrologically prone time for falling, because Gail's brother-in-law AND her sister both fell within one day of each other, one broke his femur and the other her arm and wrist.
-Charoula, OH

Thanks for reminding us to stay grounded. I, too, have heard about people falling down.
-Sheryll, CA

Very strange point about many others falling. My mother has been experiencing this to the point where she's been going in for all kinds of tests to find out what's wrong.
-Lauren, NJ

I am so glad you are recovering and taking a moment of rest. I think the cosmic effect of so many falling is just that. Slowing us all down a beat.
-Ra-el, CA

We're thrilled to hear you are doing much better. Your accident gave you an opportunity to receive love and healing exclusively, instead of giving it all the time. If there are people in your circle who are also falling, it is probably because (like attracts like!) they are also generous, loving, giving people who needed to be forced to sit still and receive love, nurturing and healing. Does it make sense now?
Love, peace and blessings,
Marcy, NY


And here is a lovely affirmation from a reader that I would like to share with you:

I, Queen Mama Donna (Insert your name here.)
keep my feet firmly planted
in the love I have for myself
and the love others have for me.
I am always steady on my feet.
When I fall, I fall only into love.
-Rev. Deborah L. Roberts, WI

With blessings of balance,

xxQueen Mama Donna